Director's cut

From me to YOU:

"You don't come into somebody's life, make them care, then just check out!"

YOU DON'T DO THAT! That's just totally being insensitive.

Screw you!

:(

How can you be so cruel?

Have a heart, dude.

Knock, knock

Miss you much my blog. :)

And i miss you, too.

Happy, happy birthday!

@!$#%@

Pakshet ka!

Matatapos na lang yung araw, nambwisit ka pa!

Sige lang, may araw ka rin! Mag-ingat-ingat ka!

Isa pa uli, PAKSHET KA!

The Tracks of My Tears

Truth is, this has been playing in my head for weeks now, even before the Motown episode of American Idol last night. I've been trying to keep this from everyone, but it doesn't help. Shyet! Life is one hell of a roller-coaster ride. Started the year right, and I thought it would continue. Pero bakit mukhang it's the other way around?!? :(

Shyet! I hate this feeling. My morale is at its lowest right now. This is torture. Shyet! Nade-depress na naman ako. :((



Lyrics | Smokey Robinson & The Miracles - The Tracks Of My Tears lyrics

Thank God for MMDA officers

Last night's incident in EDSA was one of the scariest situations I've ever been.

My dad, sis & i were on our way home when the car that my dad was driving suddenly stopped. Yes, the car stopped right in the busy streets of Edsa! We were at the leftmost lane and just a few meters away from Buendia. My dad tried to start it up but nothing happened. It seemed like the battery got drained out. My dad did everything he could, but still, the car wouldn't start. We were beginning to cause a minor build-up already and we were all getting worried. What made the situation worse was, the cars behind us were pounding on their horns incessantly. This made my dad a bit more stressed. Argh! Wanted so much to get out of the car and scream my lungs out at them. Hello! As if we wanted for this to happen! But of course, i kept quiet. Since i know nothing about cars and about driving, that was the most i can do at that time, aside from praying of course. I felt sorry for my dad because he doesn't need this kind of stress. He's 72 years old and fact is, he should not be driving anymore. But my two single brothers who still live with us, don't know how to drive, as well. My sis knows how, but has never tried driving in Edsa yet and my dad wouldn't allow her to. Not yet anyway. Still, i commend my sis for being so calm and responsible. She immediately called my other (married) brothers and informed them of what happened. She didn't let panic to get the best of her. I know she was also scared but she didn't show it.

Anyhow, good thing, there were MMDA officers near the area. They helped set up the early warning device and directed the flow of traffic. When my dad told them that the car wouldn't start, they said they'd push the car until we reach the Emergency Bay. There were three of them. This got me thinking, "How on earth are they gonna do that?!" The Emergency Bay was on the other side, at the rightmost lane. In order for us to reach that point, we would have to cross the street. It didn't look easy since Edsa was so busy at that time. A lot of vehicles were passing through and they were all coming so fast. But there was no other way! This was the time when i hit the panic button. I was so scared! Scared for my family and for the three guys who were pushing the car. I couldn't help it, but i was really bothered by the thought of being hit by another vehicle. But i know we were all silently praying that nothing bad would happen to us. Except for that rampaging bus that overtook us and didn't even bother to slow down, no more untoward accident happened. THANK GOD we were able to get to the other side in one piece.

We asked for the MMDA to call their towing service. While waiting for the wrecker, the MMDA checked the battery and the other parts and doused it with water. Then my dad started the car again and it worked. It turned out the battery overheated and the radiator had some leaks already. We were advised to drive to the nearest gasoline station to have the car checked. The MMDAs were nice enough to not give us any ticket (for obstruction) and for telling us that they'd cancel the towing service. They were also very helpful and we all felt their sincerity in assisting us. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU SO MUCH!

I know MMDA officers don't get a lot of respect now from us, the people. But believe me, THERE ARE STILL SOME GOOD EGGS OUT THERE WHO ARE WILLING TO HELP THE BEST WAY THEY CAN!

Out of sight, out of mind

Not really true when it comes to you.

Can't stop thinking about you.

GAWD, I MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY! (parang kanta lang noh, but heck, it's true!)

Nose-bleed

Haha! Just wanna share this.

We got a long-distance call from an older cousin who's been living in the US for, give or take, 25 years now. My cousin still knows her tagalog, but of course, she does have the american twang already. She first talked to my dad and then after a while, I heard my dad talking in english. He was talking to my nephew, Myles, who's only been here in the Philippines when he was around, I think, 12-13 years old. Myles was born and raised in the US, so naturally, he doesn't really speak our language. But my dad used to be an english teacher so 'twas easy for him to converse with Myles. :)

Ok, this is the fun part. Or funny is more like it. :P

When my turn came to talk to my cousin, she said that I'd be speaking with Myles also. So I was like "Ok." I was suprised 'coz suddenly I heard my nephew's voice.

Colette: Hi Myles!
Myles: Hi Colette!
C: Do you know me?
M: Uhm, no :)
C: I'm Chris' sister, younger sister
M: Oh ok. It feels weird talking to someone you don't really know. (he sounded like he was shy and apologetic at the same time)

Dead air...

And then I heard his mom asking him to say "Maligayang Pasko!"

C: Can you say Maligayang Pasko?
M: No :) I don't wanna say it out loud (or basta he said something pa, can't remember na, haha!)
C: How old are you?
M: Tweny (silent t, haha)
C: Tweny (para may masabi lang, haha). Do you go to school?
M: Yeah, I can't afford not to go to school. 'Coz if I don't go to school, I'd be no one (alam ko, no one talaga sinabi nya, hindi nobody...nagsisimula na, nafi-feel ko na)

Dead air...this time 'twas a lot longer.

C: Sorry, what was that? You can't afford to go to school?
M: Can't afford NOT to go to school
C: Oh ok

Dead air forever.

Inulit pa kasi eh, na-gets ko naman yung sinabi nya. Napaisip tuloy ako at na-conscious bigla. :P

This was the part na naubusan na talaga ako ng baon! Didn't know what to say next, and I guess, he felt the same way, 'coz he also wasn't talking. Nose-bleed to the nth power. Haha! And 'twas not just because it was already two in the morning kaya low-batt na my brains. Hehe! I'm just not really good with small talks, even if it was a relative. Not knowing what to say and to say it in english only made the situation worse. Haha!

So want to know how our conversation ended?

After what seemed like forever, I just said "wait," with emphasis on the last letter. As in maririnig mo talaga yung 't' sound. DMO-style, haha! (Chuch and Dru, kasalanan nyo 'to!).

I put the phone down without even telling him and then begged for my sister to save me. Shucks! I know I should not be embarrassed, but I am. LOL!

Was eaten alive by a twenty-year-old kid. I kill me. Haha!

Oh well, happy, happy christmas everyone! :)

It's about time

In case you’re wondering, NO, I didn’t forget. I know it was your birthday last Sunday. I JUST DIDN’T WANT TO GREET YOU! It’s as simple as that.

What you do (or more like, what you don't do) is not funny anymore. It gets tiring. It gets old.

Sorry, but I think this is really it. Thanks, but no thanks.

Wag ka naman sanang maging another case of tristan

Buti naman na-gets mo na para seio yung status message ko sa ym. Sorry pare, pero that's how i really feel right now. Sabi mo wag ako magalit, super busy ka lang talaga and you need to attend to so many things. Unang-una, I understand that you have to rush so many things now, especially since you only have a week left. What i don't understand is, why do you have to keep things from me? Alam mo na yun, no need for me to elaborate. Hindi rin naman ako galit, inis lang. Basta sana lang talaga, we don't end up that way. Please don't let it happen.

Thanks for making my day!

*super big smile*

You were probably just curious. But hey, it really made my day! :)

U

Hey! You're alive!

Looong time. Was surprised to find out that you were checking out my friendster. Yeah, gotcha! Fyi, I've also unchecked the "View profile anonymously" option to see who views my profile. I actually had an earlier surprise. A week before, (he used to be)TheOne also viewed my profile. But that's another story, or come to think of it, doesn't make much of a story anymore.

Anyhow, I didn't know right away that it was you since the name (it's not even a 'name' name) was different. Curious, I clicked on your profile. Unfortunately, yours too was private, so, I didn't get much info. But how can I be so sure that it was you?!? Hometown. Check. Age. Nah, you're older. Location. Pwede. I checked again for more clues (as if I'd find any). Voila, the customized profile URL gave you away!

So how are you? I see that you're married, or at least, your status says you are. Congratulations! And are you really in the place (location) where you say you are? Wow, good for you! Believe me, I mean it.

Things didn't really turn out good for us. Maybe it was not meant to be. But truly, I wish you well.

Have a good life!

Happy Anniversary (not!)

This post is dedicated to ThePope.

Today is actually our first anniversary. It's been a year since I first saw you and decided that you were the one for me. Ironically, that was also the last time I saw you in the flesh. No, you didn't go abroad or worse, pass away. You just continued living a life you had always known - a life without me.

As for me, I tried to spice up mine. I pretended that you are a part of it, or rather, that you are going to be a part of it. Don't get me wrong. I didn't go around telling everyone that I was in a relationship with you. That's something I wouldn't have the guts to do.

Lemme make it simple.

All I did was try to get to know you. And boy did I find bits and pieces of info about you! I know when your birthday is, where you live (well, not exactly!), where you went to school, who your ex-gf was(!), your friends, your hobbies and interests. A true-blue stalker, am I not? Haha!

That's how I stumbled upon the song, Such Great Heights by The Postal Service. Frankly, I've not heard of them. But when I learned that you were fond of this particular song, I googled them and checked out their songs. I must admit, I still don't know the song by heart. Actually, hindi ko masabayan yung beat at yung phrasing, hehe! With that being said, I still liked it and put it in my Zune. But of course! :)

Well, that's not all. I also found myself reading the books you like. Which reminds me, I still have to finish Dante's The Inferno. See, that's not too bad. At least you influenced me to start picking up a book and read again. :)

To cut this short, I taught myself to adapt. Adjust. So that, when time comes that we finally meet again and be together, at least, we'll have something in common, or something to talk about. I just want to make it clear - NO, I am not forcing myself to like things just because you like them. I know I don't really have to.

One long year. A year of hopeful pining. Still not giving up on you.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's the video and the lyrics of the song I was talking about. I'm thinking it must be the lyrics that made ThePope like this song! Or maybe not. :)

Such Great Heights
The Postal Service

I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay
True, it may seem like a stretch, but
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you're away when I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road for
Several weeks of shows and when you scan
The radio, I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great
Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
'come down now,' but we'll stay...

I tried my best to leave this all on your
Machine but the persistent beat it sounded
Thin upon listening
That frankly will not fly. you will hear
The shrillest highs and lowest lows with
The windows down when this is guiding you home




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And here's one of my current favorite songs. I loved it the first time I heard it being played on ThePope's favorite radio station. This song has ThePope written all over it. :)

The song's title is I will possess your heart by Death Cab for Cutie. This is probably the longest song I've ever heard. Even longer than Eraserheads' Ang Huling El Bimbo. But El Bimbo has got lyrics from start to finish, whereas, more than halfway into the song, that's the only time you'll hear Ben Gibbard (vocalist) singing. Still, the song just blows me away. I love the melody or the instrumental or whatever musical term you call it. It's so intense! And the lyrics - hit right smack into the heart! Plus Ben Gibbard sings it so beautifully! Incidentally, I found out that he also is the vocalist of The Postal Service. Hmm...such coincidence :)

Did I say I love this song? :)

I will possess your heart
Death Cab for Cutie

How I wish you could see the potential,
the potential of you and me
It's like a book elegantly bound,
but in a language that you can't read just yet
You gotta spend some time love, you gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find love, I will possess your heart
You gotta spend some time love, you gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find love, I will possess your heart

There are days when outside your window,
I see my reflection as I slowly pass
And I long for this mirrored perspective,
when we'll be lovers, lovers at last
You gotta spend some time love, you gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find love, I will possess your heart
You gotta spend some time love, you gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find love, I will possess your heart

I will possess your heart
I will possess your heart

You reject my advances and desperate pleas
I won't let you, let me down so easily, so easily

You gotta spend some time love, you gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find love, I will possess your heart
You gotta spend some time love, you gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find love, I will possess your heart
You gotta spend some time love, you gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find love, I will possess your heart

I will possess your heart
I will possess your heart
I will possess your heart

Backfired

After going through my Facebook page, I switched to stalker-mode and searched for ThePope.

The search result was a slap in the face.

It was no longer a question mark (which means no pic uploaded yet), but a picture of him with a girl.

I don't really want to know if they're a couple or not. Don't need to.

Not right now. Just seeing them together in that picture sucks. Big time!

Don't trust nature

Let me share with you a conversation I had with my good friend Che thru YM. This is the part where we talked about ThePope. Real names were replaced with their alias so I can still save my face. Hehehe!

che_dc26 (7/4/2008 4:38:26 PM): stalk natin si ThePope, hahha
colette_51 (7/4/2008 4:39:33 PM): hahaha
colette_51 (7/4/2008 4:39:44 PM): hay naku, hanggang dun nlng nga ako eh
che_dc26 (7/4/2008 4:40:00 PM): hahahah
colette_51 (7/4/2008 4:40:03 PM): pocha, ung friendster nya dati gsto nya ma-meet "anyone alive"
colette_51 (7/4/2008 4:40:14 PM): pocha ngayon patay na ang gsto ma-meet =))
che_dc26 (7/4/2008 4:40:17 PM): nampocha gurlet..kelan pa tayo magaasawa????
colette_51 (7/4/2008 4:40:25 PM): hahahhaa
che_dc26 (7/4/2008 4:40:27 PM): hahhhahha
colette_51 (7/4/2008 4:40:32 PM): 24 plang nman ako eh
colette_51 (7/4/2008 4:40:37 PM): :)
che_dc26 (7/4/2008 4:40:49 PM): hahhaha
che_dc26 (7/4/2008 4:40:59 PM): sabagay, ako nga 26 pa lang, hahhahah
colette_51 (7/4/2008 4:41:26 PM): hahahaha
colette_51 (7/4/2008 4:41:32 PM): ayan natututo ka na :P
che_dc26 (7/4/2008 4:41:40 PM): hahhhahaha
colette_51 (7/4/2008 4:41:46 PM): pero seriously pocha di ko na alam gagawin ko kay ThePope
che_dc26 (7/4/2008 4:41:48 PM): what time kyo aalis?
che_dc26 (7/4/2008 4:41:52 PM): hahah
che_dc26 (7/4/2008 4:42:02 PM): mahirap bang pasagutin?
colette_51 (7/4/2008 4:42:04 PM): hndi ko alam if i'll let nature take its own course
che_dc26 (7/4/2008 4:42:07 PM): :P
che_dc26 (7/4/2008 4:42:18 PM): naku, don't trust the nature
colette_51 (7/4/2008 4:42:22 PM): or dpat ko bang pakialaman ang destiny ko at magpakilala na tlga ako sa knya =))
che_dc26 (7/4/2008 4:42:31 PM): may sariling mundo ang nature, madalas harsh, hahah
colette_51 (7/4/2008 4:42:42 PM): hahhaha
colette_51 (7/4/2008 4:42:44 PM): korak ka jan
che_dc26 (7/4/2008 4:42:46 PM): pakilala ka na
colette_51 (7/4/2008 4:42:58 PM): kaso super stalker nman labas ko nun
che_dc26 (7/4/2008 4:42:58 PM): yung pa-demure effect, bwahahha
che_dc26 (7/4/2008 4:43:11 PM): hindi kaya
colette_51 (7/4/2008 4:43:23 PM): pocha
colette_51 (7/4/2008 4:43:57 PM): tangina pare natatawa parin ako sa don't trust nature =))

Don't trust nature.

That remark really made me laugh. And then it hit me. Yeah, I should not let nature take its own course. If I want something that bad, I should work my ass off to achieve it. But then again, does it also apply to matters of the heart?

Think about this:
People often say kung tayo para sa isa't isa, tayo talaga. Such a cliche. Don't they realize that without effort, destiny is useless?

Hmm...pero balik tayo sa nature. This also came to mind "when nature calls, it's always a bad thing right?" Ayan na, I think I need to go. Nature is calling me since I can't stop from laughing. :P

Happy Friday

Of all the other Fridays in the calendar, today's Friday is my favorite. Well, aside from the fact that today is my mom's birthday (happy birthday mommy), today is also payday (actually nung 14 pa hehe). Basta, happy-friday-mode ako today. ;-)

American Idol and then some

I've been a fan of American Idol since Season 3 where Fantasia won as that season's idol. I was satisfied coz she was the one I was rooting for to win the contest. I didn't really care who'd win in Season 4 since my bet Nadia Turner was eliminated earlier in the show. Then in Season 5, I was really hoping Elliott Yamin would win, but unfortunately for him, he just finished third. And then last year, I've accepted the fact that Jordin Sparks had a lot more fans (or at least those who'd vote for her) than Blake Lewis, so I wasn't really disappointed with the outcome.

And now American Idol Season 7. Among the top 12, my favorites are Michael Johns, Jason Castro, Carly Smithson, Brooke White and David Cook. Aside from their looks, (the-kind-that-makes-me-want-to-stare-at-them-forever) I like these three guys coz they really make me listen and always be in anticipation of what they have in store for the viewers every week. I also love the song choices and style of MJ and David Cook since I'm more of a rock/alternative fan. I may not really like the style of Jason, but seeing and hearing him sing every week, gosh, it doesn't matter; he had me the minute he sang the first note. =) I like Carly and Brooke coz Carly can really sing (though she tries too hard to please everyone) and for Brooke, she can sing as well, but I like her more for her authentic 'good-girl' image.

So much for the long intro. :P Tonight is result's night, and since I couldn't wait, I checked out the blogsite of this girl who lives in the US, and I effing didn't believe of what I was reading from her blog. I was in utter shock to find out that Michael Johns has been voted off. He was never at the bottom 3, so it was really shocking to know that he was leaving the show for good. Upset as I was, I immediately called up at home to relay the bad news. My dad and brothers were surprised as well with the result. I just felt really, really bad. Oh well, shit happens! "Goodbye MJ, I will surely miss you mate."

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Speaking of goodbyes, I almost said bye-bye to my Zune, digicam, cellphone, wallet and my (sister's) entire bag last Sunday, April 6. I went to the baptism of Baby Deus (Cherry's baby) in Muntinlupa since I was one of the ninangs. On my way home, the jeep I was in got hold-upped by a thin and not-so-tall teenager. Yes, a hold-up(!) and it was in broad daylight on a Sunday at that! Even though the hold-upper was alone, I, along with the other passengers (who were mostly girls and there were even kids) were scared to death since he was holding an icepick and he was attacking us with it. When he turned to me and asked for my phone, I got into panic-mode and I wasn't able to find my phone. What I was taking out from my bag and was actually 'giving' him were the other items I've mentioned. Good thing, these items have their own 'covers/cases', so he didn't know what was inside. Also, the stupid hold-upper was just determined to get my phone, so he didn't even bother to take them away from me. And since I was taking too long to find my phone, he just gave up, released my bag and got off from the jeep. I was relieved that nothing was taken away from me, but was startled to see blood in my hanky. The other passengers noticed it too. I got cut in my left ring finger and I didn't even know it. I panicked so much I didn't even feel any pain when I got cut.

At this time, I was 100 percent more scared. I was starting to feel the pain and the sight of blood was really terrifying. Then my finger got swollen and suddenly felt numb. I so desperately wanted to get off from the jeep and go to a hospital and have my finger checked. Need to get an anti-tetanus shot, this was what was running in my mind the entire time. When I got off in Sucat (East Service Road side), I saw 2 policemen (or are they just traffic aides?) and told them what happened. They wanted me to go with them (I guess, to a precinct) to file a report, but I said that I would not coz I was afraid that the hold-upper might get back at me (ok, sorry but I've seen too many police-drama on tv and film already) and told them that my main priority was to get to a hospital. In the hospital, the lady doctor was so nice and I felt that she was genuinely concerned for me. While the nurse was cleaning my finger and was prepping me up for the anti-tetanus shot, I called my dad and told him my story. All these time, I was holding back my tears and trying hard enough to be strong. But when my dad and brother got to the hospital, I wasn't able to stop the tears from falling. I cried silently while my dad was trying to make me feel better.

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I am so paranoid with what happened to me. There are a lot of things in my mind. One of them is - is this my karma for being so maldita? I really want to believe otherwise.

A year after

In November 2006, I sent you an email. You said you were surprised and somehow flattered. You even thanked me. Then in February 14, 2007, you greeted me a happy valentine's day thru IM. It was my turn to be surprised, but not flattered. Tried so hard not to cry, but I did. A friend in the office took notice and asked me why. I said I didn't appreciate your greeting me a happy hearts day. She was confused, but I wasn't. I felt that you were just playing with me, with my emotions. You didn't even bother to greet me on my birthday, prolly 'coz you don't remember when my birthday is. But come on, neither did u greet me on Christmas and New Year! And on Valentine's Day you suddenly remembered? Dude, Christmas and New Year are more 'universal' holidays than Valentine's Day! Even those who are not really close greet each other during these times. Honestly, I would have appreciated it more if you had greeted me on these occasions. It's pretty obvious that you did what you did because of that letter. Maybe you were trying to be nice, thought it might make me feel good. WELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT IT TWICE!

After that incident, pissed-off feeling aside, I can sincerely say that I was able to start letting you go and move on with my life. We stopped whatever little communication we had and it was such a good thing for me.

Present time, February 14, 2008. Today, a year after, you confirmed that what I was feeling exactly the same time last year, with regard to your greeting me, was true. You met my expectation by not greeting me today. Now it's my turn to thank you.

6 months after

September, October, November, December, January, February. Six months have passed. No developments. Nothing at all.

Clueless but still hopeful. Never giving up on you.

Keep in mind that I will always be here.

Happy 24th to me

I celebrated my 24th birthday last December 8. I was a bit sad because Nathan, my nephew was hospitalized. But I know he'd get well soon coz that was one of my birthday wishes. Though I didn't spend my birthday with my friends unlike last year, I still had a blast. Nothing beats spending time with your loved ones. My family never fails to make me laugh my heart out. To make me happy, to laugh out loud. To make me feel loved.

Thanks for being my family. I love you all! =)

Ok, since I'm suppose to start my year right, I confess. It's not my 24th birthday, but that's how I look and feel. Hahaha!

Happy 24th to me! =)

P.S.
Thank you to Aga Muhlach for coming to my pre-bday celebration in the office. Hahaha!

Thank you to the Waasaaak Gang for the wonderful surprise. I'm so touched. =)

And thanks to all who made my day extra special just by texting me. *hugs* mwah! =)

'Til next year. ;-)